Hey, I am Darrell. I am a 28-year-old man living in Newberry, South Carolina. In this text, I will write about how my life has been these last couple of years, and how hard life can be. I will write about all the good memories I have had, and all the toughest moments in my life. I will write about how I overcame the death of a loved one and how I regained my hope for life and kept on living the dream.
I have lost all hope. It's like I have no humanity left. I only feel two emotions nowadays and that is anger and sadness. Usually I must force emotions when I am out with my friends. My fiancé passed away three years ago, and I still can't get over her. I remember her lovely eyes glancing at me, her fantastic smile and her awful taste of humor. I still remember everything we did together. I remember the amazing Christmas spirit we both had when we hung up the star on Christmas Eve. I remember when I proposed to her on the beach when we were on vacation in New York. I remember the food wars we had in the kitchen. I will remember these beautiful moments my entire life. Nowadays it just feels like I was dreaming. These moments are like a blessing, but also a nightmare.
I usually don't get more than 5 hours sleep a day, and for the past two years I have been living unhealthy. It's hard waking up in the morning, when the only thing I can think about is Avery, my fiancé. I feel so empty inside. After she died, I also got way more aggressive and I developed anger issues. Avery had a few heart problems, but none of them were major. The doctors didn't say anything about it, and they said that she would live just as long as a person without any heart problems, but they were wrong. Avery's heart problems increased over time, and eventually she collapsed and died of a stroke, right next to me in our bed. She had a great life, and we did everything she wanted to do, but it still doesn't feel like I did enough. We went to over 50 different countries and even went around the globe!
As I wrote earlier, I have several friends, but none of them are truthful and loyal to me. We never open up to each other, and we never talk about our personal lives. We usually talk about football or basketball. I haven't had proper contact with my family in over 6 years. My mother passed away 13 years ago, and my dad became an addict. I know that he still cares about me, but I don't want to be involved in drugs, so I have no contact with him. The only person I have a connection to right now is my half-brother. He has always treated me like I was his real brother and he has always been truthful towards me and my father. He is the only person that knows that I had a fiancé, and he has come with several options for me to move on, but I just can't. I am not strong enough. He told me to try out a support group, to meet people like me, but I just couldn't handle it at the moment. I even told him that I tried it, when I didn't. He knew how I felt, and weirdly enough it was really good to have someone to talk to, about my feelings.
A few more weeks had past and nothing had improved. It was still the same. It was suddenly 3 days until Christmas. I had always loved Christmas, but all I could think about was Avery. I kept thinking about all the Christmas memories we had together. My half-brother insisted that he wanted to come over for Christmas, so I put up a Christmas three for once. I hung up the same star as me and Avery hung up 3 years ago. It was December 22th, and it was 3 days until Christmas Eve. I wasn't expecting him to come over this Christmas because he lives in Australia, and it's a long flight, but it was a pleasant surprise. I finished putting up the decorations and took a few days off from work. I had to focus on decorating, and it was devastating and hard to even do it properly.
Three days had gone by and I met my half-brother around the 7-Eleven cafe. From there we went home to my apartment. I didn't have much money at the time as I was working in an awful construction industry. When we were at my apartment, my half-brother had two gifts with him. They were tremendous! I told him that I couldn't take his gifts because I didn't have anything to give him, but he insisted. I had been so stressed over the last couple days, so I forgot to cook the chicken! I apologized to him, but it turned out that he had gotten some food from the 7-eleven shop, so we just ate that instead. I felt joy for the first time in so long, he was the only person that made me feel good about myself. I laughed for the first time in a while.
We had a really good time and eventually I went to open the gifts he had given me. He gave me clear instructions to open the smallest gift first, so I did. He specifically told me not to shake it. I was getting a bit worried. I opened it carefully and when it was opened something jumped into my hands. It was a cat! I had always loved cats, but I wasn't prepared for this! I was skeptical and hesitant at first glance, but the cat was really cute! It had so soft skin and it was grey. It had playful ears and orange looking eyes. My brother had a feeling that this was what I needed to come over Avery. He told me that the cat was named Apollo, after the American expedition to the moon. I hugged my brother, and it became very sentimental for both of us. Even though I was skeptical of the new creature in the house, me and my brother put up everything he needed. We put bowls for food and water, and we went to the store to get some cat food for him. I knew that if I didn't like him, I could just give it away. Me and my brother enjoyed ourselves all night until he had to leave. When he left, I got more skeptical to the cat again.
I went to the internet to learn more about cats, because I didn't even have basic knowledge about them. A few days had passed, and I didn't think about Avery that much anymore. Of course, she was still in my heart, and will always be, but I was starting to get over her. It was time for me to move on. More days had passed, and I got a few messages from my step-brother asking me how it was going. I told him all about it. My anger had decreased massively, and I wasn't sad all the time. I felt a feeling of joy down inside my soul. Even more days went by, and I got more and more attached to the cat. Some nights he would even fall asleep on my lap. I started getting more and more worried about him. I was starting to feel hope again. I could even feel the cozy winter feeling flowing through my veins. 23 days had gone by and it was time to take down all the Christmas decorations. It took a few hours, but I was motivated. I was determined. When I was done with removing all the Christmas decorations, I couldn't find Apollo anymore, I started freaking out. My hands were shaking. My heart was pumping. I didn't know what to do. I went around the house and he was nowhere to be seen. I went back into the living room when I suddenly heard "Miaaaaow". The sound came from one of the Christmas boxes that I hadn't thrown away yet. I opened the box, and it was the most adorable thing ever. Apollo was laying in the box. I removed some tears from my eyes. It was so adorable. That's when I decided to keep the box, so he could sleep in it if he wanted to.
Multiple years had gone by like a flash. I went back to school, to get better education. Apollo helped me study at home. I had gotten a new job within the medical profession and gotten a much better house, with better location. Apollo was still the same little rascal. Apollo had even gotten himself a little family because I decided to bring in a new cat. I brought in a white cat with orange eyes just like Apollo. The new cat was named Athena and after a while, when they were used to each other, they became partners. Apollo and Athena even made their own babies! They brought 3 kittens into the world. 2 of them looked exactly like Apollo, and one of them looked like Athena. The two kittens that looked like Apollo was named Cupid and Juno, and the kitten that looked like Athena was named Daphne. I was living the life of my dreams once again. I was still thinking about Avery, but it wasn't bothering me anymore. I know now that if she was still here, she would have wanted me to move on. I have gotten myself a couple new friends, that care about me and it's an amazing feeling, to have people that support you. I still haven't found a new girlfriend though, Avery is holding me back a little, but I know deep inside my heart that she would have wanted me to move on, so that's what I am trying to do.
This is the story of how I, a middle-aged man overcome depression and lack of hope by just doing a simple thing, opening up for the people that care about me. Thanks to my brother I overcame fear, and regained hope after my brother bought me a cat. Hope is what helps us come through the toughest and hardest times of our lives, without it, you won't live happily. If you want to regain hope, you must have faith. Life is tough and not for the simple minded. Getting over a loss of family member is hard, but the only way to keep living life is to move on. Find someone you can open yourself too.